


"Stay."

by maqcy



Series: Whumptober 2018 [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blood, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bullet wound, Deaf Clint Barton, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Light Smut, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Steve Rogers, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Acceptance, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, Whump, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 01:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16295498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maqcy/pseuds/maqcy
Summary: Steve looks after Bucky, and then Bucky looks after him.





	"Stay."

**Author's Note:**

> apparently I can't stay away from smut too long before it wheedles back in again so here you, are: late, fluffy Stucky angst. Beware the references to homophobia here.

Steve came into his apartment with a sigh. Clint’s mental health had taken a downturn so Steve had spent the day with him, using the little sign he’d learnt and watching movies with the subtitles on. It was tiring spending so long being attuned to someone else, though, and as much as Steve would do anything for Clint, he would be happy to crash in bed now.

Coming into the kitchen, Steve startled at the sight of the bathroom light on and was instantly alert.

“Bucky?” he called but didn’t get an answer. He came cautiously forwards to nudge the bathroom door open. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, seeing Bucky curled up on the floor, passed out and bloody.

“Buck?” he said, crouching down to carefully put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky jerked awake with a soft noise of fright and Steve backed off to give him space. “It’s Steve, Buck, you know where you are?”

Now crouched by the sink, Bucky’s glazed-eyed frown softened and he nodded.

“Alright, jeez why were you sleeping here, you idiot?” Steve said.

Bucky shrugged. He frequently went non-verbal for periods of time, though it was getting less often, and Steve wondered briefly whether it might actually help Buck to teach him a few of Clint’s signs. But he dismissed the thought for now and nodded towards the shower, even as he eyed the blood on Bucky’s clothes with concern.

“How about you wash off in there, Buck and then you can crash in the spare bed, okay?” Bucky usually refused to stay for more than a shower and some food before he’d take off again, but Steve would keep trying.

Bucky frowned slightly, looking like he wanted to disagree, but the expression faded into that blank apathy that Steve hated and Bucky just turned away to start stripping off his bloody shirt. Steve left the bathroom quickly, leaving the door very slightly ajar because Buck didn’t like being shut in, and stood in dim hallway for a minute, his shoulders slumped, as he heard the shower start up.

He went and reheated some beef stew with potatoes and vegetables that he’d made yesterday. As much as he was interested in the huge range of strange foods available, he liked to eat things that reminded him of home and he knew Bucky preferred it too, what with the way he’d dig heartily in, instead of poking something odd-looking before he’d try it.

Bucky came out of the bathroom with just his underwear on; clearly his other clothes were too ruined and Steve carefully didn’t look at that expanse of firm, pale skin as he put the plates of steaming food on the table and sat down to eat as hungrily as Bucky did, resolutely not looking at Bucky’s bare torso on the other side of the table.

When he finished, wiping his mouth on a napkin, he found Bucky looking at him, clear-eyed.

“Used to be that I’d finish off your food,” he said roughly, like he hadn’t spoken for a while. He glanced down at Steve’s cleared plate and Steve shrugged and patted his belly.

“Gotta keep America’s property fuelled up,” he said. “You want some more?”

Bucky shook his head. “You’re no-one’s property, Stevie,” he said, giving Steve a disgruntled look.

Steve huffed and went to dump the plates in the sink. “Come on,” he said. “Come and crash in the spare bed.”

Bucky, predictably, shook his head. “Gotta go,” he muttered.

Steve griped the edge of the sink with his shoulders hunched and his back to Bucky. He forced himself to relax and he rubbed his face tiredly. “ **Stay** ,” he said.

He heard Bucky grunt and Steve turned around to look at Bucky’s newly-cropped black hair and the strong breath of his bare shoulders, beautiful as they’d always been. Bucky turned his head and Steve looked away quickly, blushing like a teenager to be caught looking. _Dammit_.

The apartment was abruptly thick with a tension that had very occasionally risen before the war, like the time that Steve caught Bucky jerking off in the bathroom, which they’d never talked about but which remained clear as a polaroid in Steve’s head.

“Alright,” Bucky said and Steve blinked in surprise.

“Okay then,” he managed, a little roughly and forced himself to lead the way towards the spare bedroom, only to pause when he heard a low hiss from Bucky and he turned sharply to eye Bucky with worry. There was a wound on his thigh that Steve hadn’t noticed before and which was still leaking blood down his skin. “Is the bullet out of that?” Steve asked, already heading towards the bathroom for bandages.

“’m fine,” Bucky said, but when Steve came back with the roll of cloth, he took it and wrapped it roughly a few times around his thigh with uncaring, practised motions. “Happy?”

Steve shrugged wearily and carried on towards the spare bed with Bucky walking after him with no sign of a limp in the way he walked, but then Bucky had a pain tolerance that had bullied into him over all those years Steve had been frozen, blissfully ignorant. Sometimes he felt every one of those silent years, even though he hadn’t spent them.

Steve switched on the bedroom light and turned to see Bucky hovering in the doorway. Even with the reddened bandaged on his thigh, Steve swallowed to see him in just his underwear and with his eyes steady and lucid on Steve.

“Leave you to it,” he muttered and stepped to move past Bucky, only for Bucky to move fractionally to block the doorway. Steve’s breath caught.

“You look dead on your feet,” Buck said and Steve released a heavy breath and just shrugged, his gaze on the floor as he shifted awkwardly.

“Long week I guess,” he said.

There was suddenly a hand on his face and Steve froze rigid, his eyes snapping up to Bucky to give him a wide-eyed look.

“You give me looks sometimes, Stevie,” Bucky said, his voice low and Steve flinched back, taking a quick step backwards.

“What d’you mean?” he said. Terror flip-flopped in his chest at the thought of Bucky knowing,

“Y’know people now don’t care, Stevie,” Bucky said and Steve’s breath caught.

 _What the hell-?_ “Huh?” he said intelligently.

“I had to protect you back then,” Bucky said. His dark eyes stayed locked on Steve’s. There was no trace of that vacancy that Hydra had beaten into him; Bucky was every inch the man Steve had been half in love with, before the war. “You were so little, and so shit at hiding your feelings. Ready to fight every asshole out there over anything.”

Steve’s mouth was open in shock, before he frowned. “I don’t get what-” he started.

“Don’t you get it?” Bucky said, suddenly sharply, stepping towards Steve, only for Steve to back off and they eyed each other for a second. “Steve I could read your heart on your stupid pretty face.” Steve’s heart was going faster than when he was running. “I knew you liked me, okay?”

“Buck-” Steve said brokenly, his fingers twitching by his side. He wanted, for once, to just run away, to leave, but Bucky was blocking the door. Buck would be repulsed by the- the- _sodomite_ that Steve was, if he knew, _right_? Steve knew that things like that weren’t considered so awful now, but Steve still thought he was going to hell, and he had no doubt that Bucky would agree. He and Buck weren’t from this time, weren’t from the apparent acceptance that some people had now.

“You woulda gotten yourself killed, you idiot,” Bucky continued in that low rumble and Steve swallowed, his mouth dry. “That’s why I had to protect you, pretend I didn’t notice how you gave me looks like women do.”

“I-” Steve choked. _Fuck_.

Bucky stepped forwards again and Steve was too shocked to be able to move. Wasn’t Buck repulsed by him? Or was he going to deck Steve for being a sissy? Steve would let him.

Steve flinched, his eyes clenching shut briefly, when Bucky put soft fingers to his face. Hell, what was going on? “Buck?” he croaked.

“You can protect yourself now,” Bucky said, too close for Steve to be able to think straight, especially when Bucky was effectively half-naked. “And people don’t care so much, okay?”

“I’m going to hell,” Steve said, hardly aware of the words.

Bucky stilled and Steve was afraid that- that- maybe Bucky was just building up to yelling at him, or that this was why Buck had been shunning him, or- _something_. Steve had known from the first time he blushed at the sound of Bucky’s laugh that he was what people considered put together wrong, and that Buck would loathe him if he knew. Steve had had nightmares in his twenties about accidentally exposing himself and had woken up sweating and terrified.

“I don’t care,” Buck said. “I guess I am too, ‘cus I’m damn well in love with you.”

Bucky was just too close and Steve got an elbow between and pushed Bucky away, “ _No you’re not_ ,” he snapped desperately. Hell, he was too tired for this. “We’re- we’re like brothers, right? You like dames, _right_?”

Bucky had the audacity to laugh, the prick. “I don’t have _brotherly_ thoughts ‘bout you, Steve,” he said and all Steve’s blood seemed to go south at once.

“Don’t mess with me,” Steve said. He was shaking.

Bucky’s expression became serious and he put a hand on Steve’s arm. Somehow that grounded Steve better than any words. Bucky wasn’t disgusted with him – he still wanted to touch Steve, still looked him in the eye. Said he _loved_ Steve, and- and not in brotherly way.

“I’m not, you dense idiot,” Bucky said, before he looked away abruptly and his body language shifted slightly, though Steve couldn’t have said exactly how, just that it was more defensive. “I thought you- didn’t like me no more because of what I- did, what with- y’know.” _Hydra_. Steve stared at him. “You didn’t look at me the same for a while.” Steve swallowed. “But you were giving me the looks tonight, right Steve? I-I’m not ugly to you now, am I?”

“God, no,” Steve breathed, shocked. “You’re beautiful, Buck. I never,” he swallowed, struggling to get the words out, after so many years of burying them so deep that to drag them up scraped like glass inside his throat and made him choke. “I never stopped thinking that. But you were, like, _blank_ , Buck. I just wanted to be your friend again, for you to remember me.” His voice broke and he clenched his jaw. Bucky’s hand didn’t move from his arm and Steve felt flushed and yet was still shivering, like he had a fever.

“And now?” Bucky said gruffly.

Steve forced his gaze up, “You really don’t hate me?” he said.

“Couldn’t ever hate you,” Buck said.

When Bucky’s hand touched his face again, Steve didn’t flinch but leaned into it, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them he saw Bucky’s expression of desire and the way he licked his chapped lips went straight to Steve’s cock.

Steve put a hand on Bucky’s metal arm, watching Bucky intently for any signs that he’d changed his mind, or was slipping into vacancy again, but Bucky’s eyes didn’t leave his. Steve came forwards then and pushed his lips to Bucky’s, just as he’d wanted to when he would’ve needed to be up on his tiptoes to kiss Buck. Now they were level, but Steve still felt small and fragile under Bucky’s gentle hands.

When they came apart, Steve’s breathing was uneven and Bucky was looking at him with a slight smirk and a glitter to his eyes that Steve hadn’t seen in far too long.

“You kiss women like that?” Steve breathed.

Buck smiled, “Just you, Stevie,” he said and Steve knew his eyes were huge and he clutched at Buck like he might disappear.

Bucky pushed his chest lightly, “Now let me take care of you, ‘kay?”

“I dunno,” Steve said, recovering his voice to slowly return Bucky’s smile. “Maybe I’m kind of tired.”

Bucky grinned, “Oh yeah?” he breathed and ran his hand down Steve’s hip. “You sure?”

Steve swallowed and stared at him. “Christ,” he muttered. “You sure you’re real?”

Bucky pinched Steve’s nipple and Steve yelped, pressing a palm to his chest in indignation while Bucky laughed, “Hell yeah, I’m real,” he said, before dragging Steve in for another kiss.

Steve staggered backwards towards the bed with Bucky clinging to him like a vine, seeming equally unwilling to let go of Steve. When they collapsed onto the bed, Steve let himself be taken care of, this time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr at maqcyloup! My anon asks are always open!


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